1451812 followers
700 tweets
StephenAtHome
my one complaint about the crisis garden, where are the meat and gun seeds?
StephenAtHome
voters will reward democrats who vote against healthcare just like in '94, when they offered them lucrative lobbying jobs
StephenAtHome
my electoral analysis map is also known as the twitching ganglia cluster of the voters' reptile mind
StephenAtHome
eric massa appeared so crazy on his segment with glenn beck, that fox gave him his own show
StephenAtHome
Sometimes I wonder, "what would Jesus tweet?" But you can't say much with 140 characters of Aramaic
StephenAtHome
can't believe annie leonard thinks americans have too much stuff. someone should buy her a ronco stuff organizer
StephenAtHome
americans eat corn all day and drink beer all night. sharks should consider us their kobe beef
StephenAtHome
who needs health insurance? airport security provides FREE full body scans. not even a co-pay!
StephenAtHome
republicans should refer to health care as "needlethon 2010" and start calling hospitals "forced medicine camps"
StephenAtHome
vice president biden visited Israel today. I had no idea the acela had service there
StephenAtHome
i was shocked to find out that sandra bullock's "the blind side" had nothing to do with horrendous traffic accidents
StephenAtHome
Tom Hanks has a new miniseries about World War II. But he didn't make one about World War I so how will anyone be able to follow the plot?
StephenAtHome
President Obama has stopped trying to cooperate with the GOP on healthcare. It's a breakthrough. "Stop trying" was the Republicans best idea
StephenAtHome
so excited about my office oscar pool - not every office has a pool full of dead guys named oscar
StephenAtHome
what's a five-letter word for "trivial 140-character communication?"
StephenAtHome
would run for governor of NY, but I don't think I have the necessary criminal record
StephenAtHome
america is fed up with washington. and that's saying something. it takes a lot to get us full
StephenAtHome
stared into my freezer for an hour this morning. I miss the olympics.
StephenAtHome
starbucks is really blazing a trail with new 31-oz drink. of course, that trail leads straight to the restroom
StephenAtHome
no wonder why greece is facing economic ruin. they're always lighting their cheese on fire
StephenAtHome
just four days until the oscars, so it's about time for the red carpet coverage to begin
StephenAtHome
i have to admit i have a monkey on my back. it represents my crippling addiction to monkeys
StephenAtHome
man did i wake up on the wrong side of the bed today. i need to remember not to fall asleep on the side facing the rabid raccoon den
StephenAtHome
david brooks sure is stubborn about not wanting to reunite with dunn
StephenAtHome
kids can pay their kwedit balance at 7-eleven. i hope this means my bank will finally install a slurpee machine
