StephenAtHome A study predicts nearly half of all Americans will be obese by 2030. But with a little American ingenuity I bet we can get there by 2025!

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome At Bank Street Bookstore, signing "I am a Pole." If you missed it, I signed a bunch of extra copies. Go get 'em! http://t.co/P2zmEfjk

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome I'm going on break for 2 weeks. Which, for no reason, is the exact recuperation time for ankle lipo and a forehead scrape.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Happy Mothers Day! That's right, I care about my mom so much I start Tweeting to her early.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome What an historic day! I'm talking, of course, about how I finally got all ten punches on my Pinkberry card! Free yogurt, your time is now!

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome I'll be signing copies of "I Am A Pole" @bankstreetbooks in NYC on 5-12-12. Why not celebrate by buying 51212 copies? http://t.co/jLEts7kh

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome A Nebraska man changed his name to Tyrannosaurus Rex. I guess he couldn't get show business work with his old name, Tyrannosaurus Rexbowitz.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Amazon is now selling designer fashion. Which couture dress would look best on my Kindle?

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Buy my children's book "I am a Pole (And So Can You!)" or I'll have to assume you hate children. http://t.co/PKj2PrNh

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome A Socialist has been elected the president of France. I guess Obama got a night job.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Buy my children's book I AM A POLE (AND SO CAN YOU) about a pole figuring just where he fits in. (Spoiler Alert: The answer is America!)

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Our teens are getting drunk on Purell. But to be fair, it tastes better than Jagermeister.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Fell in the bathroom and hit my head today. Ambulance showed up before I could invent a flux capacitor. Will try again tomorrow.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Help settle a bet - a brunch after 11am is technically a "blunch," right?

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Does anyone know how to get a set of car keys out of a garbage disposal? And also a car? I had some trouble pulling into the garage.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Just reading the paper. A lot of stirring articles today: "the" "an" "a." Fascinating.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome I just figured out a great way to dry my hair in the morning: salad spinner.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Jay the Intern beat me to the green room today, so I was the 2nd person to meet @TheRealBuzz Aldrin. I guess that's still pretty good.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Catch me on The Today Show tomorrow at 7 a.m.! I won’t be up yet, so somebody please let me know how I did.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Met this guy today. He asked me for some grey poupon. http://t.co/rMteef10

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Trying to commit every thought to twitter but my thumbs are too slow. Right there--lost two thoughts about my slow thumbs.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Guy in front of me in line at Starbucks is too busy twittering to move forward. Get a life!

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Newt Gingrich may have officially dropped out, but he will never be forgotten. Take care of yourself, Newt ... um, I want to say, Gretzky?

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome Saw a TGIFridays open on Wednesday. Went inside and screamed "LIARS!"

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

StephenAtHome This Starbucks line is HORRIBLE. Not because it's long, but because no one has recognized me.

by Stephen Colbert, Comedian

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