3033489 followers
2086 tweets
StephenAtHome
Figured out how to monetize cat-breading: Add dog-baguetteing. I'm gonna make a fortune!
StephenAtHome
Great. Now I can't get Newt's version of "Eye of the Tiger" out of my head. I'll be humming about the Founders' faith all night.
StephenAtHome
Tonight, I disclose the hard numbers on my SuperPac. Here's a preview: 4.
StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney have combined into a Frankenstein creature named Nitt Romgrich. It cries coconut milk. #preparethem
StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney is electric! In that it's very possible he's powered by a 12-volt battery. #preparethem
StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich married his High School Math Teacher. Not a #preparethem tweet, just true.
StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney has the sense of humor of a brick in a washing machine, just not the rhythm. #preparethem
StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich is actually the Michelin Man with a coat of peach paint and a wig. #preparethem.
StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney's favorite Star Wars movie is: all six of them are pretty good, which one do you like? That's his favorite too! #preparethem
StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich will stick with this campaign until the convention...unless his publisher stops selling his book. #preparethem
StephenAtHome
Mitt is concerned about the very poor in this country--specifically, that they might get their germs on him. #preparethem
StephenAtHome
Newt Gingrich is a family values candidate. He values families so much, he's had three! #preparethem
StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney will make an absolutely fearless Commander-in-Chief, because fear is a human emotion. #preparethem
StephenAtHome
Newt has as much chance becoming president as he does mayor of his moon base. Actually, moon base mayor is far more likely. #preparethem
StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney does not want to fire you, unless it is absolutely, positively possible. Romney 2012! #preparethem
StephenAtHome
No one should question Newt's moral character. Especially since the answers will haunt your dreams. Newt 2012! #preparethem
StephenAtHome
Newt's only hope for your vote is if you've been in a coma for 20 years. And if you have, he probably divorced you. Newt 2012! #preparethem
StephenAtHome
Mitt Romney is not a vulture capitalist. Vultures only eat things that are dead. Romney 2012! #preparethem
StephenAtHome
History is written by the winners. However, the penises drawn in history books are often written by the 5th graders.
StephenAtHome
Sometimes Sarah Palin confuses Rage Against the Machine with their conservative counterparts Obey the Machine.
StephenAtHome
Awwwwww shucky ducky! It's as much fun to type as it is to shucky duck!
StephenAtHome
Tonight, my guest Björk's new album combines music and science. When Thomas Dolby tried this, he was tragically blinded.
StephenAtHome
I just put an invisible fence collar on my Super Pac money so it can't run away again.
StephenAtHome
If those explosives-detecting dolphins are so smart, how come they've never found a land mine?
StephenAtHome
Is it weird that when Jon was hanging upside down, I wanted him to wear a Spiderman mask and call me Mary Jane?
