Conan O'Brien
The voice of the people. Sorry, people.
Comedian
http://twitter.com/conanobrien
http://teamcoco.com
5672360 followers
879 tweets
conanobrien
A sad moment for civilization: I just bought Greece with an old can of olives.
conanobrien
CBS greenlit a sitcom based on Groupon. Why is TBS stalling on my idea “Val-Pak Buddies?”
conanobrien
They say “opposites attract” and yet I don’t have the hots for the Tanning Mom.
conanobrien
Today, Facebook went public, just as MySpace’s last user went private.
conanobrien
Going on Letterman tonight for the first time in 13 years. Dave wanted to wait until I hit puberty.
conanobrien
.@Snooki is considering filming her childbirth, on the off chance there’s someone out there who hasn’t seen her vagina yet.
conanobrien
If Obama's the first gay president, then I'm the first gay late night host! Oh, he's not gay? Then I was being sarcastic.
conanobrien
You know who’s behind this big push for gay marriage? The immensely powerful tuxedo industry.
conanobrien
Instead of flowers, I sent my Mom an assortment of unsecured Greek Treasury bonds.
conanobrien
I’m just like the Hulk, except when I’m mad, I get dry mouth.
conanobrien
Thought from a recent hotel stay: doesn’t “Toblerone” sound like a character on Game of Thrones?
conanobrien
Just heard someone logging onto AOL. Instead of “You’ve Got Mail” the voice now says, “Greetings, Old Fool!”
conanobrien
This baseball season has an upside: my son gets to see the Red Sox I grew up with!
conanobrien
I went to see “The Avengers” today and it was sold out. I looked like an idiot dressed like the Hulk during a showing of “Think Like a Man.”
conanobrien
Tonight on #Conan, @MettaWorldPeace and I have a civilized interview. And then one of us smashes Andy in the face. http://t.co/BoGeW5gh
conanobrien
Hey, say what you will about Donald Trump. Seriously, go ahead.
conanobrien
Ever get really into playing a video game, only to discover it was just one of those high-tech Japanese toilets?
conanobrien
Easy mistake: instead of renting MONEYBALL I accidentally rented a porn film called MILF WRANGLERS 6, VOLUME 2.
conanobrien
What will history remember more? Muhammad Ali vs Joe Frazier, or Gavin DeGraw vs Jaleel White?
conanobrien
Question for the ladies: Late-onset back hair… as sexy as I hope? #FingersCrossed
conanobrien
People always ask me: “WHY?! OH GOD WHY?!!?” Mostly at the beach.
conanobrien
This is my actual PIN number: http://t.co/L0WL3tLD
conanobrien
Fool me once, shame on my personal fool-stopper, Reginald.
conanobrien
My poker tell is a 3-state murder spree.
conanobrien
Siri, what is the location of “my misspent youth?”
