Conan O'Brien
I had a show. Then I had a different show. Now I have a Twitter account.
Comedian
http://twitter.com/conanobrien
http://teamcoco.com
1517307 followers
195 tweets
conanobrien
Now that you know the name of my new show, I'd like you to please welcome our very first sponsor: Utz Pub Mix http://bit.ly/aBtszp
conanobrien
I announced the name of my show today right here: http://bit.ly/cc3jhU (Spoiler alert: The words "Tonight" and "Show" aren't in it.)
conanobrien
I was going to announce the name of my new show today, but my lawyers tell me "The Return of Nanny McPhee" is taken. Tune in tomorrow.
conanobrien
A huge victory for me at last night's Emmys. That's right, my wife let me have the aisle seat.
conanobrien
Hey gang! I'm off to The Emmys on NBC! Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
conanobrien
I may be jumping into this whole Muslim controversy a little late, but really? He's going to call himself Kareem Abdul Jabbar?
conanobrien
When Churchill said "Difficulties mastered are opportunities won", I don't think he had ever tried to "sext" on an iPhone.
conanobrien
Someone just explained to me that I don't get paid for tweeting. I'm going to miss you guys.
conanobrien
LeVar Burton wants to start a Twitter war with me. I don't have time to feud with anyone who appeared in the Cameo "Word Up" video.
conanobrien
Lady Gaga just passed Britney Spears as the person with the most Twitter followers. In a related story, I'm closing in on LeVar Burton!
conanobrien
Stallone is still on top! Our reward: more Planet Hollywoods.
conanobrien
In a recent interview, Kim Kardashian says her "entire body is hairless". Sounds like she went into a salon and asked for "The O'Brien".
conanobrien
My writers are nominated tonight at the Creative Arts Emmys. Win or lose, it's an honor just knowing none of them will get laid.
conanobrien
I came into my office today and Andy had hung this over my desk. He apparently has a lot of them. http://twitpic.com/2giosz
conanobrien
The FDA egg recall has hit a total of 380 million eggs. I can’t wait till they find the tired, evil hen that did this.
conanobrien
The NASA robot doing chores on the space station has its own Twitter account. I'm glad to see NASA is still shooting for the stars.
conanobrien
Today’s NY Post says I was spotted in NYC dining with Maury Povich and Connie Chung. Whoever’s impersonating me—aim higher.
conanobrien
Stallone's movie "The Expendables" is #1. Look for the movie coming out about my exploits in high school: "The Let'sBeFriendables".
conanobrien
On JetBlue and the flight attendant just offered us "all the f***ing Terra Blue chips you a**holes can eat." Love this airline!
conanobrien
Just booked the first guest for my new show. Tune in to see me cuddle a pygmy tufted-ear marmoset.
conanobrien
Lebron tweeted that he remembers everyone who's done him wrong. Or more specifically, everyone who told him to grow an Abe Lincoln beard.
conanobrien
My new bathroom at TBS has two railings around the toilet. Those idiots - I asked for four. http://twitpic.com/2e1cwa
conanobrien
My wife is out of town for a few days. When the cat's away, the mice will watch G String Divas.
conanobrien
For those of you who are wondering, yes, this is a photo of me at 18: http://bit.ly/9yJ6zx. It's also a photo of me at 30. And 40.
conanobrien
Ricky Gervais asked me to tweet that his movie Cemetery Junction is playing at Mann Theatre in Glendale. I refuse.

