Jim Gaffigan
Husband to hot wife, father of 4, comedian, actor, writer, former sleeper
Mr. Universe avail NOW at JimGaffigan.com $5
Comedian
http://twitter.com/jimgaffigan
http://jimgaffigan.com/appearances.shtml
1058060 followers
2939 tweets
jimgaffigan
.@Lin_Manuel Your first name is cooler than I've ever been.
jimgaffigan
Hey @pattonoswalt great job hosting the Webbys.
jimgaffigan
This is the least subtle way to sell tickets to a show. http://t.co/JTSgRpZ6
jimgaffigan
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn't even be nominated.
jimgaffigan
My 11-month old walks like he's auditioning to be an extra on "Walking Dead."
jimgaffigan
When is @rihanna going to get some media coverage?
jimgaffigan
Like most pale people I will be occupying the indoors this summer.
jimgaffigan
They should do a cop show w/ a sexy but strong female detective. Maybe a ponytail, tight clothes. Just for a change, right?
jimgaffigan
You guys make twitter worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
jimgaffigan
I'm already sick of writing this book I'm thinking of writing.
jimgaffigan
Don't forget the @nealbrennan Comedy Central 1/2 hour premieres tonight at 11:30/10:30 CST.
jimgaffigan
I'm just a blur of exhaustion and laziness.
jimgaffigan
“Well, I have other things to do first.” – Procrastinator’s Motto
jimgaffigan
Here’s me trying to sound smart on @carsonjdaly talking about #mruniverse at http://t.co/t8KgI6nN http://t.co/lgFbZa8l
jimgaffigan
"Must be a 3 year old on the loose in these here parts." http://t.co/cjMFV3xh
jimgaffigan
Here we are 10 years after the invention of the universal remote. http://t.co/HWYwZbs2
jimgaffigan
Sometimes I miss caring. Just kidding.
jimgaffigan
Here’s a great game. Click the link, buy tickets to one of my tour dates & the winner helps me afford having 5 kids. http://t.co/3oQxp17G
jimgaffigan
I liked to watch TV before it was ever cool to watch TV.
jimgaffigan
It's strange how many babies go for the skinhead look.
jimgaffigan
Everyone should go buy the great @reggiewatts new CD/DVD on iTunes
jimgaffigan
Gambling is a crippling addiction. If u are going to gamble, do it after you see me perform at Foxwoods or the Borgat… http://t.co/CfbrpjHh
jimgaffigan
Boston get tix to see the brilliant @GaryGulman tape his new comedy special http://t.co/5iyxsH4F
jimgaffigan
Being a parent is the opposite of the Jenny Craig diet. “I gained 20lbs & all I did was eat small portions of my toddlers leftover dinner.”
