Kevin Nealon
Accommodator/Apologist/Passive Aggressor
Comedian
http://twitter.com/kevin_nealon
http://www.kevinnealon.com
1385179 followers
1261 tweets
kevin_nealon
Come join me at The Ice House Comedy Club in Pasadena this Tuesday, Feb 7th. 8pm
http://t.co/Zp8pzGf1
kevin_nealon
Problem solved...yes, it must've been a creepy bug that I inadvertently crushed as I laid my head down last night.
kevin_nealon
Lying here this morning, in my hotel bed, wondering if the dried blood on the sheet is from me or a previous guest. #Priceline.com
kevin_nealon
If you're hungry again a half hour after eating Chinese food why not try eating an hour earlier?
kevin_nealon
Hey everyone, say hi to a newbie on Twitter, @ParkerLMary . #NancyBotwin/Weeds
kevin_nealon
Why are my troubles never listed in the troubleshooting section of the manual?
kevin_nealon
Apparently, dinosaurs were only created for the amusement of children.
kevin_nealon
Seeing '5 refills' on my bottle of Valium is like seeing my car's gas gauge pointing to full.
kevin_nealon
Wives? This is the toughest question they've had to answer yet.
#CNNdebate
kevin_nealon
Please interrupt this debate for updates on Klum/Seal breakup! #CNNdebate
kevin_nealon
Which wife is Newt talking about? #CNNdebate
kevin_nealon
Just tuned into the debate...have they been talking about their wives the entire time? #CNNdebate
kevin_nealon
My apologies to Cleveland and Portland for having to reschedule. I will make it up to you two-fold. I swear! #Isabel
kevin_nealon
This video is pure love. Tears of joy. Got me. Joshkelley.com
'Naleigh Moon'
kevin_nealon
Thanks everyone for putting up with my Golden Globe tweets. Loved all your comments! G'nite.
kevin_nealon
I guess if I wrote a film about my tweets tonight I would call it 'The Condescendants.'
kevin_nealon
George Clooney forgot to thank that chick from Dancing With The Stars that he's sitting next to. #goldenglobes
kevin_nealon
Jane Fonda...now that's the way you should do plastic surgery!!! #goldenglobes
kevin_nealon
In the future...more dog tricks at The Golden Globes. #goldenglobes
kevin_nealon
If I were receiving a Golden Globe I wouldn't begin my acceptance speech until they started playing me off. #goldenglobes
kevin_nealon
Meryl...it's not the CMA awards. #Hootenanydress
kevin_nealon
Can't say Collin Firth's name without sounding like I have a lisp.
kevin_nealon
Don't want to see The Artist until it has a soundtrack and is 3-D. #goldenglobes
kevin_nealon
I can't tell where Martin Scorsese's glasses leave off and his eyebrows begin. #goldenglobes
kevin_nealon
Haven't seen that many Spanish speaking together since the Chilean mining incident. #goldenglobes
