Patton Oswalt
Mr. Oswalt is a former wedding deejay from Northern Virginia.
Actor
http://twitter.com/pattonoswalt
http://www.pattonoswalt.com
639726 followers
7006 tweets
pattonoswalt
My debate wrap-up: Obama will be re-elected. #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
"Biggest misconception? The fact that I was fucking born." -- Newt Gingrich #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
"Big-gest mis-con-cep-tion? Define mis-con-cep-tion. Arming laser eyes. ARMING LASER EYES!" -- Mitt Romney #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
"Biggest misconception? My kneecap vaginas. They don't exist." -- Rick Santorum #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
"Biggest misconception? That I shot President Garfield." -- Ron Paul. #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
There is. A Man. In a Mask. Holding up a "Frothy Santorum" sign in the crowd. I am not kidding. #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
Newt and Ron just had a "creepy laugh off." #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
Not kidding -- daughter just pointed at Romney and said, "Super Martian robot." #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
Hey Rick? If Iran's such a threat, then I'm not electing a goob who looks relieved he pronounced "Hezbollah" correctly. #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
"If we re-elect Obama, then the Mike + the Mechanics' song 'Silent Running (On Dangerous Ground)' comes true." #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
Newt's invoking the image of the madman across the...waaaaaaaaaaaaater. #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
"Where do you stand on moustache wax and barbershop quartets?" -- Kent Taylor #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
Newt: "We can't put all that fiiiiiiiiine pussy into COMBAT, son!" #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
Did Santorum just go "Uh..." before he said "courage"? #fail #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
"We will not pause for a commercial while Romney's cooling system kicks in." -- John King. #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
"The Latino population is the fastest growing in the country. How will you stop them fucking?" #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
Rick Perry is having A Very Special Day getting to watch the debate! "I did that too!" (shits pants) #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
Saying "Dukakis" at a GOP debate is like saying "cunt" at Lilith Fair. #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
This is how couples fight. "Remember when you said THIS?" #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
I want scotch so bad right now. So so bad. These four paste-bags talking birth control are causing me despair. #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
Thanks for keeping the Catholic Church in the adoption business, Mitt. #shudder #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
There's always the one moment in every debate when Ron Paul makes complete fucking sense. #thereitwas #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
Sorry I faded here. Sick and in shock watching Newt talk about "infanticide." #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
Just realized Newt's hair is just a mass of strategically combed, thin and very lengthy skin tags. #tweetthepress
pattonoswalt
"Can't we just talk about he Sbarro I want to build on the moon?" -- Newt. #tweetthepress
